Why is this so uncomfortable?!?

Author

Kacy Maxwell
October 01, 2024

One of the hardest things I’ve had to learn in my leadership journey is giving difficult feedback. If you are a leader, it’s a guarantee that there will be a time when you have to let one of your team members know they are missing the mark. It’s almost always uncomfortable. Okay. It almost always sucks. But the alternative (i.e., not saying anything) ends up being much worse in the long run. But if you are supposed to do this as a leader... why is it so freakin’ hard?

THE PURPOSE OF FEEDBACK

I think too often our teams (and us as leaders) forget the purpose of feedback. Feedback, when used correctly, is a tool to help you grow. It’s there to highlight shortcomings and acknowledge strengths so that your team can see things they might not be aware of. But too often feedback is about what you did wrong and typically includes a call to action of ‘just don’t do that again.’

❝

Average players want to be left alone. Good players want to be coached. Great players want to be told the truth.

Doc Rivers

I’ve had both positive and negative experiences giving and receiving feedback. I’ve had times where I have received negative feedback and it has helped me grow. I’ve also had times where it has simply caused me shame. As a leader, I’ve had experiences where the team member thanked me and our relationship got stronger, and others where there were tears and it ended in frustration on both sides. So what can you do to ensure a positive outcome? Well, there are tons of frameworks and any can work, but here are a few things that I found to be present when things went well. (Sidenote: Please don’t use the compliment sandwich…it’s the one framework I believe doesn’t work.)

🔑 3 KEYS TO GOOD FEEDBACK

  • TRUST. There was a lot of trust between me and my team member. They trusted that I cared about them and really wanted them to get better.

  • PREPARATION. I prepped for it. In every instance where I gave off-the-cuff feedback, it never went well. Prep is essential.

  • FOLLOW-UP. I always asked for the team member to write down what they took away from this and email me after the fact. This assured that we were on the same page. We also had steps for how we were going to correct the behavior either on their own or together.

Feedback can really be a gift. But it’s also important to remember that feedback should not only be negative. Feedback should also emphasize what they are doing right. When you make feedback, both positive and negative, a part of your culture you will build trust and your team will only get stronger.

📚 DIG A LITTLE DEEPER

😃 A PERSONAL NOTE

I was at church a few weeks ago when the preacher mentioned that a practice that he started doing was to drive into work in silence. No podcasts. No radio/Spotify. Just silence. He would often choose to pray but many times he would just be quiet. I usually would fill that time with an industry podcast so I can be learning and commuting. #multitasking. But when I started doing this new habit, I found that I was able to breathe. And think. The results weren’t earth-shattering but I got into work calmer, happier, and a little more focused to start the day. Try it out and let me know what you think.

Keep Leading. See you next week. 👋

Kacy